1. It's that time of year. Your date just picked out what s/he will be wearing to prom and decides to go to you to...
Make him/her feel good about the outfit. I can give a compliment like no other. Give it to him/her straight. If it's ugly, I'll let him/her down easy. Verbally attack the wardrobe choice. Everyone needs a little brutal honesty, right?
2. You and your BFF are sitting on the couch, watching ''American Idol'' and eating Double Stuft Oreos with milk. They're delicious, but they definitely leave a mark. You look over and see s/he has some of that chocolately goodness on his/her teeth. You...
tell him/her and say, ''Yo dawg. I think you got some Oreo residue up in there.'' crack up in his/her face and say, ''That's disgusting, dude! You have all this chocolate stuck in your teeth. How repulsive!'' probably don't say anything... I don't want to be the bearer of bad news!
3. Now that you're famous, you can be demanding. So what's the one thing you have to have in your dressing room at all times?
My black t-shirt My hairspray (and happy pills) My bass
4. Sweet. It's your chance to choose the theme for this week's episode of ''Idol!'' You go with...
60s ballads 90s pop Billboard's Top 100
5. What was your impetus for signing on to judge the ''American Idol'' contestants in the first place?
To make unknown, talented young people's dreams come true. To just have fun, dawg! To exert my control over others and make a lotta money in the process.
6. Ugh... press is such a pain! You're being interviewed by ''TV Guide'' and interviewer asks how appearance and personality factor into the judges' decision. You respond...
''Well, I won't lie, man. They're all important. It's about the whole package.'' ''Appearance doesn't matter to me. True star potential comes from the heart.'' ''If you're ugly, you're not gonna win. Plain as that.''
7. And last, but certainly not least, what are your feelings about ''AI'' host, Ryan Seacrest?
I often fantasize about murdering him... is that so wrong? He's got a mad crazy schedule and I don't know how he does it. He's a pretty cool guy. I love him. He's ridiculous. I want to just squish him, squeeze his head off, and dangle him from my review mirror!