What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?

Oh, I get it. This is a rhetorical question.
Ewww. No way man, they're gross.
Yeah, they're good. I mean, it's chocolate with vanilla ice cream--how can it not be?
But of course, one would have to be simply absurd to not enjoy the taste of such a delectable treat.

Superhero.
Evil villain.
Magician.
Myself.

I'm single and I prefer it. People are horrible. I don't like them. They're only out to break you. Well, I don't want to be broken. Thank.You.Very.Much.
I like to play the field. Someone as hot as me can't settle for just anyone when they know that they can have it all.
I have a very stable relationship. Honesty, trust, and compromise--that's what’s helped my relationship stay strong. Oh, and a lot of lovin'.
For some odd reason no one wants to date me. I mean, I put forth so much effort. I make sure to call them at least 20 times a day and always drive by their house at odd hours. Who doesn't adore a sweet-natured stalker?

I'd probably want to be King Arthur. If you're going to dream, dream big.
I'd be the court jester. I love to make people laugh and show off my foolish ways.
I'd be a knight. My sword would come in handy if any evil-doer got in my way.
I'd be a choleric cow. I'd want to die as soon as possible and just get the hell out of there. They didn't even have running water!

Oh wow. Uhm, can you say wrong?
It's a shirt, whatever. I don't care THAT much about it.
They must go. Both of them.
OMFG. It's the most hysterical thing ever. They're trying to be so festive, but they just fail.